Monday Musings: VOTE ALREADY

So, I spent my Friday night filming my first out-of-country voting experience:





If you follow my tweets, it's pretty obvious who I support. But this vlog isn't about getting you to swing the same way. It's about letting you know that I really believe that things like choosing the President of our country are not things that we should just leave up to everyone else. And when it comes to local issues, like whether to continue a tax levy to fund schools or choosing the next governor of your state, you need to step up, because these things affect you. If you don't care right now, then take a look at your tax bill and think about what that money gets used for. If you think it doesn't affect you, then take a look at your neighbours, because even though it may not affect you, it probably affects them. Learn about the issues. Read the newspaper. Educate yourself.

And vote.

And spread the word!

Happy Monday. :-)

Friday Forward: LUNA, by Julie Anne Peters

It's Friday, and boy, do I have some catching up to do! I missed a couple weeks while I was busy at writing conferences and making videos about cupcakes, but from now on, I promise to be more vigilant about my Friday reviews - as well as with the rest of my online life!

This week's Friday Forward was a book club pick from last month: LUNA, by Julie Ann Peters. Here's the blurb from Goodreads and Amazon: Regan's brother Liam can't stand the person he is during the day. Like the moon from whom Liam has chosen his female namesake, his true self, Luna, only reveals herself at night. In the secrecy of his basement bedroom Liam transforms himself into the beautiful girl he longs to be, with help from his sister's clothes and makeup. Now, everything is about to change-Luna is preparing to emerge from her cocoon. But are Liam's family and friends ready to welcome Luna into their lives? Compelling and provocative, this is an unforgettable novel about a transgender teen's struggle for self-identity and acceptance.

This book was a real eye-opener, and on the heels of Presidential debates that (barely) touched on issues like gay rights and gender equality and a very informative vlog by the Hank half of the Vlogbrothers, it came at a good time for me: a time when I was interested in learning more about transsexuality from the viewpoint of a transsexual, and also interested in learning about what it looks like from a closer but still external viewpoint. Told from the perspective of a transsexual male-to-female's younger sister, this book informs on both those levels, which is an extremely tough thing to do.

I have to honestly say that I found the introduction of Luna's transsexuality and her sister Regan's conflicting feelings about it to be a little heavy-handed at the beginning. I loved the opening scene in which we first meet Luna and learn that Luna by night is Liam by day, but the moments after that when Regan remembers their childhood and wonders when little Liam first showed signs of identifying as a female felt like more overt backstory than I really needed. Additionally, Liam spent a lot of time at the beginning getting down on himself and crying and generally expressing how much he wanted to break free, and while I can't make any claims AT ALL to know how it really feels to literally be in the wrong body - I'm sure it is every bit as horrible as Liam says it is, and then some - strictly for the purpose of telling the story, I would have gotten more deeply into this story and found Regan's character more relatable if there were a scene or two less of that. The first time Liam said that Luna wanted to break free, I understood exactly what she meant, and it irked me that it took several more scenes of that for Regan to clue in.

That said, I did eventually get really into this book. I loved the extreme contrast between Regan and Luna's parents and the parents Regan babysits for, and the irony that Luna got stuck with a set of parents who are so extremely conservative and traditional and badly suited to dealing with a child who doesn't slot nicely into society's idea of "normal". Then the reaction of the parents Regan babysits for when they do find out that Liam is really Luna really highlights just how difficult it is for people who are transgender to find acceptance in the world. The scenes at the end between Luna and her best friend Alyson are honest and heart wrenching and one of the best parts of the book.

Additionally, Regan has a lot going on in her own life, and there was a good balance between moving Regan's story forward and letting us see how in a lot of ways, she was held back by feeling like she had to hide so much of her private life from her friends.

I came away from this book feeling like I understand transgendered people a little better, and also feeling like I have a few more tools in the box that will help me behave in a more sympathetic and understanding way when I meet people who are transgender. And for that alone, it's worth the read.

You can find Luna in bookstores now, or pick up a copy online at Amazon here or preferably at Indiebound here or (if you live in Canada) at ChaptersIndigo here.

Happy Reading!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! And a Query Critique for Linda!

It's Halloween, so what better than a query critique for a picture book about a guy who keeps trying to be like someone else?

Our query today comes from Linda, who has never done this before, so everyone be nice to her in the comments, okay? She's one brave lady.

Here's the query:

Dear [Agent]:

Purvis is a pig with a problem.  He is just too small and nobody will play with him; all he wants is to grow! One day, Purvis happens to meet a wise, old farm cat, who tells Purvis that "size does not matter" and he can be whoever he wants to be.  Purvis decides he wants to be just like the cat!  Purvis then meets other farm animals and Purvis wants to be just like each of them!  Then, finally, Purvis finds himself with a baby brother who thinks Purvis is just the greatest and he wants to be just like Purvis!  Perhaps Purvis is okay just how he is -- and to his surprise he finds that he has grown after all!

PURVIS--NOT SMALL AT ALL, at approximately 1400 words, is a read-aloud picture book in verse which should appeal to children aged 3 to 8 and is about the common childhood concerns of feeling different, unable to fit in; about trying to figure out who in the world to be.  I am writing to you because of your representation of author-illustrators, your experience working with stories in rhyme, and your taste for picture book stories with traditional, universal themes.  I hope that you will have an interest in my story.

  

You will find the entire text of the manuscript pasted below. I have also provided a link to my illustrations and a complete 32-page dummy.  There are samples of other projects I am working on in the same location.  I have created full illustrations for this manuscript and am attaching three samples hereto.  Although I hope you will consider my text and illustrations as a complete package, I do respect your option to select illustrations separately. 

This is a simultaneous submission.  Thank you for your consideration and I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

And here's my feedback in red:

Dear [Agent]:

Purvis is a pig with a problem.  He is just too small and nobody will play with him; all he wants is to grow! One day, Purvis happens to meet a wise, old farm cat, who tells Purvis that "size does not matter" and he can be whoever he wants to be.  Purvis decides he wants to be just like the cat!  Purvis then meets other farm animals and Purvis wants to be just like each of them!  Then, finally, Purvis finds himself with a baby brother who thinks Purvis is just the greatest and he wants to be just like Purvis!  Perhaps Purvis is okay just how he is -- and to his surprise he finds that he has grown after all!

I like the way you introduce Purvis and his problem here, but the rest of the paragraph is too long for a picture book query. This is a common mistake: people often use this paragraph to summarize the whole manuscript, while really the point is to give a taste of the story and entice the agent to read more. Think of what you would read on the back of the book in the store, and aim for that - just a couple of short sentences. Let the flavor of your book - the style of writing - seep into this portion of the query. And please don't tell us how it ends. ;-) Let the reader be surprised!

PURVIS--NOT SMALL AT ALL, at approximately 1400 words, Current trends are towards manuscripts that are 500 words or less - just a thing to be aware of. is a read-aloud redundant; all PBs are meant to be read aloud picture book in verse Good for you for stating this outright. which should appeal to children aged 3 to 8 and is about the common childhood concerns of feeling different, unable to fit in; about trying to figure out who in the world to be. You have a punctuation error in here. ALSO: you might want to add a line in here about how this book will fit into the marketplace - name three books whose fans will also like this book. If you can show that you know how to market your work, it will make it easier for an agent to sell. I am writing to you because of your representation of you represent author-illustrators, your  you have experience working with stories in rhyme, and your taste for you like/have a taste for/etc. picture book stories with traditional, universal themes. Great! I hope that you will have an interest in my story.

  

You will find the entire text of the manuscript pasted below. I have also provided a link to my illustrations and a complete 32-page dummy.  There are samples of other projects I am working on in the same location.  I have created full illustrations for this manuscript and am attaching three samples hereto.  Although I hope you will consider my text and illustrations as a complete package, I do respect your option to select illustrations separately. This whole paragraph is excellent.

This is a simultaneous submission.  Thank you for your consideration and I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Overall, I'm impressed with this query. Linda gets most of the main points in here, which is excellent for a first query. With some work on trimming and refining in the first paragraph, this should be an excellent query.

Have different feedback? Have ideas on how Linda can refine her first paragraph? Chip in in the comments!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Friday(-ish) Forward: Infinity Ring, Book One by James Dashner

FIRST: If you haven't yet entered to win a copy of Joanne Levy's SMALL MEDIUM AT LARGE or Michael Ian Black and Debbie Ohi's I'M BORED, you can do that here. I have four prizes, so if I don't get at least ten entries, I'm going to have to save the prizes for another day.

Now for this week's Friday Forward: the first book in the INFINITY RING series, A MUTINY IN TIME by James Dashner.

Here's the bumpf from Amazon: Scholastic's next multi-platform mega-event begins here!

History is broken, and three kids must travel back in time to set it right!

When best friends Dak Smyth and Sera Froste stumble upon the secret of time travel -- a hand-held device known as the Infinity Ring -- they're swept up in a centuries-long secret war for the fate of mankind. Recruited by the Hystorians, a secret society that dates back to Aristotle, the kids learn that history has gone disastrously off course.

Now it's up to Dak, Sera, and teenage Hystorian-in-training Riq to travel back in time to fix the Great Breaks . . . and to save Dak's missing parents while they're at it. First stop: Spain, 1492, where a sailor named Christopher Columbus is about to be thrown overboard in a deadly mutiny!

I really enjoyed this book. With high-stakes action broken up at exactly the right places with bursts of humor, it has just the right mix of history, science, intrigue, and thrill to keep me turning pages. The characters are well developed, and their relationships are complex and interesting. And on top of being a great introduction to different periods in history, A MUTINY IN TIME is a good introduction to the topic of time travel. It will get kids asking good questions about the nature of time: can you really change history? Is it possible to change it so much that you cease to exist? And what happens to the changes you made if you are never born? Is time linear, multi-leveled, or something else entirely?

My primary issue with this book is really more of an issue with the series as a whole: the basic premise behind the "breaks". The series proposes that the present is affected by what came before, and yet, after fixing the break in 1492, the kids travel even further back in time to the viking invasion of France. But what if fixing the break in France changes how things go down in Spain in 1492? And if breaks have been happening for so long, then why didn't they set Columbus' journey off course in the first place? This series seems to want the breaks to be able to affect the future, and yet treats each incident as fairly isolated at the same time, and I'm not sure if this "having their cake and eating it too" is working for me. However, the question is intriguing enough to make me want to read the next book to find out more, and the fact that it raises these questions and gets kids thinking about the topic of time travel in a critical way makes it well worth the price.

A MUTINY IN TIME is available in all good bookstores now, or pick it up online at IndieBound here or Amazon here or (for Canadians) at Chapters Indigo here.

Happy Reading!

Friday Forward: Joanne Levy's SMALL MEDIUM AT LARGE, and a DOUBLE GIVEAWAY!

It's Friday, and today at the blog, Friday means FREE STUFF!

But first, let me introduce to you the wonderfully funny middle grade book that is Joanne Levy's SMALL MEDIUM AT LARGE.

Here's the blurb from Goodreads: After she’s hit by lightning at a wedding, twelve-year-old Lilah Bloom develops a new talent: she can hear dead people. Among them, there’s her overopinionated Bubby Dora; a prissy fashion designer; and an approval-seeking clown who livens up a séance. With Bubby Dora leading the way, these and other sweetly imperfect ghosts haunt Lilah through seventh grade, and help her face her one big fear: talking to—and possibly going to the seventh-grade dance with—her crush, Andrew Finkel.

This is a delightful, fast read. Lilah is a frank, funny heroine, whose relationships with her best friend and dear departed Bubby sparkle with humor. While I found her to be a little on the nice side - her attempts to help her father AND her music teacher AND Andrew's ghosted father reveal a more generous and philanthropic girl than any twelve-year-old I have ever known - there was enough hilarity to win me over. The scene in which Andrew's ghosted father tells her to prove his existence by telling Andrew she knows about his underwear stands out, in the best possible (read: side-splittingly funny) way. This is definitely worth picking up.

And to hep spread the word about this book, I have a SMALL MEDUM AT LARGE Prize Pack!

The prize pack includes: One SIGNED copy of SMALL MEDIUM AT LARGE, one bookmark, and one wristband, to go to one lucky commenter! WOO-HOO! And for TWO OTHER lucky commenters, I have a bookmark and wristband each!  THAT'S THREE PRIZES!

AND, as if that weren't enough, you may remember my review of Michael Ian Black's I'M BORED, illustrated by the immensely talented Debbie Ohi, from a couple of weeks ago. Well, I have a copy to give away! WOO-HOO!

So, Here's the skinny:

For ONE ENTRY, you need to:

1) follow this blog;
2) leave a comment on THIS POST with your email address so I can contact you if you win something.

For EXTRA ENTRIES, you can blog/tweet/facebook/Google+/whatever about it. One entry per thing you do, but you MUST PROVIDE ME LINKS IN THE COMMENTS. I have limited time to spend on the interwebs searching for random mentions of my giveaways. I need to spend that time writing my own book so I can give away a copy of it to one of you one day. Cool?

COOL.

You have two weeks. I will draw names on THURSDAY, OCTOBER 11, at MIDNIGHT. So get commenting!

And Happy Friday!

Query Critique Wednesday - Denise's Queries!

Good Morning! Today we have TWO picture book queries from Denise. Wow!

For those of you who are new, here's how this thing works. I post queries from the brave souls who email them to m, along with my feedback on what's working and what isn't and how to make them shiny and bright. Then, you guys throw in your own two cents in the comments! The only rules are that you have to be honest, AND you have to be nice. No slamming or flaming, guys.

Let's get this party started!

Denise's first query is:

DearMr/Mrs_________,

Geared toward the 4-8 year old market, PHEWIE HUGHIE is a humorous 486 word children's picture book.

Hughie loves his toots and the louder the better and Hughie thought everyone should love his toots. Well, Hughie has a hard time finding someone to appreciate his wonderful ability until two children come to an important dinner and Hughie is told to remember his manners.  Mayham happens after Hughie realizes he just can’t hold it in.  What’s a boy to do? 

I am a member of SCBWI Canada East, and the SCBWI picture book and middle grade groups. I look forward to hearing from you.  Thank you for taking the time to consider PHEWIE HUGHIE.  Please note, this is a multiple submission.

Sincerely,

There's a lot to like about this concept - fart-loving boys! - and the basic elements of the query are there, which is good, but I think the descriptive paragraph needs some clarification. Here it is with my feedback in red:

Dear Mr/Mrs________,

Geared toward the 4-8 year old market, PHEWIE HUGHIE LOVE THE TITLE! Is this a rhyming book? If it is, you should say so. is a humorous 486 word children's picture book.

This is kind of an abrupt start. If you're going to open with the housekeeping - which is totally fine, and which a lot of agents and editors prefer - I'd recommend prefacing it with a bit of personalised stuff: I saw you at x conference/read x interview/whatever and because you said y, I'm sending you my manuscript....

Hughie loves his toots and the louder the better and Hughie thought everyone should love his toots.  This is a run-on sentence. Since the last portion is implied, I think this query can do without it. Love the idea of a kid who loves his own farts! This is every little boy's dream. Well, Hughie has a hard time finding someone to appreciate his wonderful ability until two children come to an important dinner This  raises some questions - why important? Why important with KIDS present? - and feels a little awkward. Maybe try reframing the inciting incident to eliminate those gaps and focus on the really crucial element: Hughie now has an audience for his farts. and Hughie is told to remember his manners.  Mayham Typo: Mayhem. happens after Hughie realizes he just can’t hold it in.  What’s a boy to do? Instead of ending with a rhetorical question, which some people don't mind but a lot of people dislike, maybe hint at where this goes: do the kids love his farts? Hate them? Join in?

I'd also include some comparatives here: this book will appeal to fans of A book, B book, and C book. It's good to give the person you're querying an idea of where your book will fit into the marketplace, and it gives him or her more ammunition to use if your book goes to acquisition. Another good place for comparatives is at the end of the first paragraph.

I am a member of SCBWI Canada East Good to include this!, and the SCBWI picture book and middle grade groups I am not aware of these groups. Do you mean the critique groups? In which case you should mention that they are critique groups, and mention the Canada East part, since different regions have their own groups. Or skip the critique group part - many have said they don't need to know about it. I look forward to hearing from you.  Thank you for taking the time to consider PHEWIE HUGHIE.  Please note, this is a multiple submission. Great closing.

Sincerely,

All together, not a bad query. With some reworking in the middle there, I think Denise will be ready to go.

And here's her second query:

Dear Mr/Mrs________,

Geared toward the 6-12 year old market, MALLIGA’S RAINBOW is a touching 927 word children's picture storybook.

Malliga and her Amma (mother) shared many memories, but the most memorable to Malliga was when they would play who could find the rainbow after a rain. After losing her Amma, Malliga has trouble facing the ache in her heart.  Her Appa (father) helps her and together they find a way to help Malliga one stitch at a time.

I am a member of SCBWI Canada East, and the SCBWI picture book and middle grade groups. I look forward to hearing from you. 

Thank you for taking the time to consider MALLIGA’S RAINBOW.  Please note, this is an exclusive submission.

Sincerely,

This, in my opinion, a pretty strong query already. I have some comments, but very few. Here's my feedback in red:

Dear Mr/Mrs________,

Geared toward the 6-12 year old market, MALLIGA’S RAINBOW You excel at titles. is a touching 927 word children's picture storybook. You've put yourself in the danger zone here. "Picture storybook" is a phrase usually equated with books like Beatrix Potter's TALES OF PETER RABBIT or A.A. Milne's WINNIE THE POOH, and while those books sell steadily, I have heard it said by editors and agents that that's more because people want to share their childhood memories with their kids than because the current market demands more stories like those. Books for young kids are now either picture books or chapter books. Your word count puts it into the picture book category - chapter books are typically 5,000-10,000 words - but your age range says chapter book or novel. I suspect that this is actually better aimed at the 4-6-ish market. (Don't be afraid to write books about death and loss for little kids; they need them as much as older kids do.)

Also: I have the same comment about the opening paragraph as in the last query.

Malliga and her Amma (mother) shared many memories, but the most memorable to Malliga Memorable is repetitive - maybe "Malliga's favorite"? was when they would play who could find the rainbow after a rain. After losing her Amma, Malliga has trouble facing the ache in her heart.  Her Appa (father) helps her and together they find a way to help Malliga one stitch at a time. I love this last part. This is a great paragraph! Super job. It's clear that Malliga has a cultural background, so I would say what that background is somehow, so it will be easier to imagine how to market this book.

I am a member of SCBWI Canada East, and the SCBWI picture book and middle grade groups. I look forward to hearing from you. Same comment as in the other query.

Thank you for taking the time to consider MALLIGA’S RAINBOW.  Please note, this is an exclusive submission. You don't really need to say that it's an exclusive submission; in fact, they usually assume that a submission is exclusive unless you say that it is simultaneous. However, you may wish to put a time limit on the exclusivity: "While this is an exclusive submission, I will send it to other agents/editors if I haven't heard from you in x months." I've read that something in the neighborhood of 3-6 months is typical.

Sincerely,

Despite the sea of red - sorry, Denise! - this is actually, in my opinion, a really good query. The most important section - the descriptive paragraph - is really solid. There were just a couple things that took a lot of explaining at the beginning and end!

Do you have your own comments? Ideas? Thoughts? Share them in the comments! Let's help Denise out!

And be sure to come back on FRIDAY for a giveaway!

Monday Musings: Heroic Princesses, Body Image, and the Size of Ariel's Butt

Happy Monday!

I've been busy over the weekend learning how to use video-editing software, which I hope will lead to much better quality YouTube videos in the not-too-distant future. But in the meantime, we'll have to settle for ideas over looks.

Which, interestingly, dovetails nicely with my latest vlog:



See you tomorrow, when I'll post my reading of The Elephant's Child in two parts, and announce the book I'll be reading in the lead-up to Halloween. I can't wait!