Friday Fun

Go have some!

Fun, that is.

I'm serious: the creative mind needs an occasional break. So go for a walk, play frisbee, kick a soccer ball around for a while, play some board games, bake cupcakes, throw an impromptu party for no reason, or do whatever it is you do when you want to have some fun.

See you on Monday!

Query from Lisa Cook

It's Wednesday, which means it's Query Critique day here at the blog. Woo-hoo! For those of you who are new, the deal here is that if you have a picture book you want to query, you can email me your query letter, and I'll post it here on the next available Wednesday with my thoughts in red, and invite others to share their thoughts in the comments. If you want to write a query letter for your picture book but aren't sure where to begin, here's a template to get you started. And if you have a query but it's not for a picture book, send it to me anyway and I'll forward it to my friend Matt, who handles queries for novels over at the QQQE.


This week's query comes from Lisa Cook, who tells me that she is very nervous, so be super nice to her, okay? Okay.


Edited to add: Lisa blogs! Go follow her! HERE and HERE.


Here's her query, with my thoughts afterwards in red.

Dear Ms. Jones:

In the summer of 1791 baseballs and broken windows were a big problem for the town of Pittsfield, Massachusetts. This historical fiction picture book, “Baseballs and Broken Windows”, (965 words), tells the tale of a group of boys who are determined not to let anything keep them from their favorite pastime, not even a pesky law. While the boys and their story are fictitious, the scenario leading up to the creation of the Broken Window By-Law was likely very similar. This law is the earliest known reference to baseball being played in the United States, and a unique bit of American history.  I think you’ll find that this story is able to draw in young baseball enthusiasts, captivate their imagination, and teach them something new.  

 “Hey Batta Batta Swing! The Wild Old Days of Baseball” by Sally Cook and James Charlton offers an interesting look at the history of baseball. However, my story sites a specific event from baseball’s earliest days; one that most people have never heard of.

I am a member of the New England chapter of SCBWI, and have been published in Stories for Children Magazine, and Imagination Café.

A copy of the complete bibliography is available on request. This is a simultaneous submission. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

This is actually a very good query. And it's the first query I've seen for an historical fiction, so while on one hand I'm pretty excited to read something new to me, on the other hand, this is new to me, and you should take my feedback with a larger-than-usual chunk of salt.

Dear Ms. Jones: I'm assuming "Ms. Jones" is a proxy for the agent or editor's name; in any case, "Dear Ms. Such-and-such" is far preferable to "Dear Editor," so well done.

In the summer of 1791 baseballs and broken windows were a big problem for the town of Pittsfield, Massachusetts. This historical fiction picture book, “Baseballs and Broken Windows”, The title of your manuscript should be in ALL CAPS LIKE THIS, without any quotation marks. It's the industry standard. (965 words), tells the tale of a group of boys who are determined not to let anything keep them from their favorite pastime, not even a pesky law. While the boys and their story are fictitious, the scenario leading up to the creation of the Broken Window By-Law was likely very similar. This law is the earliest known reference to baseball being played in the United States, and a unique bit of American history.  I think you’ll find that this story is able to draw in young baseball enthusiasts, captivate their imagination, and teach them something new.


DUDE! I totally want to read this! I grew up in Cincinnati, which is the birthplace of professional baseball, so this is right up my alley. I love me some baseball history.


This first paragraph is a bit lengthy, and you repeat some information by telling us that your MS is historical fiction, and then later by telling us that the story of the boys in your book is fictitious. Additionally, mentioning the pesky law before telling us that the Broken Windows By-Law exists is a little confusing. I'd tell us about the by-law right after the first sentence, and then tell us about your book, closing with the part about drawing in young baseball enthusiasts. The part about the law being the earliest known reference to baseball being played in the US could go, I think, but we'll see what others have to say about that. It's certainly interesting information, but not necessarily pertinent to your story. If you keep it, I'd put it in the next paragraph.

 “Hey Batta Batta Swing! The Wild Old Days of Baseball” This title should also be in ALL CAPS without quotation marks. by Sally Cook and James Charlton offers an interesting look at the history of baseball. However, my story sites You've got a typo here: you're looking for "cites." a specific event from baseball’s earliest days; one that most people have never heard of. This feels kind of stuck in; I'd try to reword it to include the section from the last paragraph. Or, you could cut it; the first section certainly makes me want to read your pages.

I am a member of the New England chapter of SCBWI, and have been published in Stories for Children Magazine, and Imagination Café. It's not clear, but I cut that comma after "magazine."

A copy of the complete bibliography is available on request. I've never seen anything about a bibliography in a query before - since this is fiction, and not non-fiction, I'd cut it. Besides, you've enclosed your manuscript, which is what they really need to see. This is a simultaneous submission. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

And that's the query! I think we should all congratulate Lisa on a fantastic job - this query was pretty polished when it came in, and I really didn't have much to say about it. 


And now let's hear some of your opinions in the comments! Agree with my feedback? Disagree? Share your thoughts with Lisa.

Monday Musings on Muses

We all know about the trope of the writer's muse. It's current incarnation can be seen in the TV show Castle, where a female homicide detective plays muse (and will they/won't they love interest) to a mystery writer, but it's an idea that's older than Virgil.

But in the 21st Century, who actually has one? Nobody I know. The tradition of the muse holds that it is someone who inspires, and whom the artist (or writer) holds close. While I draw on my kids for a lot of ideas, I would hardly call them my muses, since flashes of insight are often more accidental and incidental than purposefully sought. Also, I don't keep them around because they inspire me; I keep them around because they're my kids.

And my novels all spring from one central idea and then grow from there - there's no-one I go back to for inspiration time and again. It's mostly me, my computer, and my sofa. If I need inspiration or fact-checking, I turn to the internet or the nearest museum curator. Or sometimes documentaries on public television.

So, in this age of the information superhighway, does anyone actually have a muse anymore? Does anyone even need one? What do you think?

Friday Fiction: CINDER, by Marissa Meyer

For this Friday, I thought I'd do something different and post a review of a book I've read recently. I don't normally review books on my blog, so please don't take this as a cue to email me asking if I'll review YOUR book. But CINDER, by Marissa Meyer (who seems very nice and blogs here), is a book I think writers of YA can learn a lot from, so here it is:

Here's the blurb from Amazon: Humans and androids crowd the raucous streets of New Beijing. A deadly plague ravages the population. From space, a ruthless lunar people watch, waiting to make their move. No one knows that Earth’s fate hinges on one girl. . . . 

Cinder, a gifted mechanic, is a cyborg. She’s a second-class citizen with a mysterious past, reviled by her stepmother and blamed for her stepsister’s illness. But when her life becomes intertwined with the handsome Prince Kai’s, she suddenly finds herself at the center of an intergalactic struggle, and a forbidden attraction. Caught between duty and freedom, loyalty and betrayal, she must uncover secrets about her past in order to protect her world’s future.
I started this book after hearing the publisher, Jean Feiwel of Feiwel and Friends, talk about how excited they were about this book, so I had very high expectations. Were they met? Yes and no.

I'd be lying if I said that it was easy for me to put this book down. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't find myself thinking about the characters in this book in the evenings while I was reading, and in the days after I had finished it. I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't looking forward to the release of the next book in the Lunar Chronicles.

But I'd also be lying if I said that I loved every page. There were several things that bothered me about Cinder: the fact that it is set in a future China, with architecture and some customs (like bowing) consistent with Eastern culture, but with characters running around with blond or curly chestnut hair wearing ballgowns reminiscent of 18th-century France (only one fancy kimono? What about modern dresses?), was a jarring contrast that I found unsettling and frustrating. I didn't feel fully grounded in the world of this book.

Additionally, I found the main character to be a little too bumbling and dense for my liking. A girl not saying what's on her mind once or twice I can understand and forgive, but this felt like too much, especially in moments where it was clear that spilling her guts to this guy who was: 1)very powerful; 2)obviously smitten with her; and 3)rich enough to pretty much buy her whatever she might need; would solve her problem. Then again, it would have made for a much shorter book. And you can forget about the series potential in a book where the main character does the thing that would obviously be easier and solve her problems.

But the thing that bothered me most was that I figured out the ending way before the heroine did - over 300 pages before. And while I appreciate a bit of well-placed foreshadowing, this was way too much lead-time for my liking. I was left feeling like the heroine was pretty stupid - certainly way more stupid than me. Which means I had trouble identifying with her.

I did enjoy the supporting cast of characters - I found Dr. Erland to be interesting and likeable, and Queen Levana and her minions are fascinating. They were enough to keep me turning the pages.

HOWEVER, the real strength with Cinder - and I think this is what will make this book successful - lies in the handling of the romance, which Marissa Meyer does very, very well here. Kai is sprinkled throughout the book in just the right doses, and he is just the right mix of upfront and playful to keep readers guessing when he's going to make his next move, and what that move will be. For writers of YA with a strong romantic element, this is a book to study.

Teen readers will be clamouring for the next one.

Picture Book Query from Rena Traxel

Hey there, fellow picture book lovers! It's Wednesday, which means it's Query Critique Time. Dun, dun, DUUUUUNNNNN.

Just Kidding. I'll be nice, I swear. As should you be in the comments! Polite honesty is the order of the day.

This week's query comes from Rena Traxel, who has a great blog that you should all follow, so go and do that now.

And here's her query, with contact details redacted for the sake of privacy. My redline is next:

Rena J. Traxel

Address

Date:

Dear (publisher):

Little girls love their kitty cats. The little girl in my WHERE IS MY KITTY AT? is daydreaming about her kitty cat’s day —waiting for her owner, stalking in the yard, batting with her paws —while she is away at school. In the end the little girl realizes where her kitty cat truly is. 

WHERE IS MY KITTY AT? is a three hundred and fifty word early picture book. It is a child-centered story that is likely to engage the child as a judge from Rate My Story pointed out “I like the pattern you’ve set up. Kids will enjoy it and probably even chime in with the familiar parts of the lines.”

I have a diploma in Professional Writing from Grant MacEwan University. I am a member of the Society of Children’s Book Writers & Illustrators and the Writers Guild of Alberta. If you would like to learn more about me please go to my website at www.renajtraxel.com. This is a multiple submission.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I can be contacted by emailing REDACTED or by calling xxx-xxx-xxx. I look forward to hearing from you. I have enclosed an SASE for your reply.

Sincerely,

I think this is a fairly solid query - Rena doesn't over-explain or over-describe her plot, which is really important in a PB query. And the book sounds very sweet, which is bang on for an early picture book! Still, I did have a few comments, so let's get to it:

Rena J. Traxel

Address

This is a great time to get into the format of a query letter, which will differ depending on whether you are querying via email (which a lot of agents prefer nowadays) or the old-fashioned, much-slower way (which so many editors are still stuck on).

Nathan Bransford has an excellent post on this topic, but the rundown is that in an emailed query, you open with "Dear Mr/Mrs Agentname" and include your contact details (address, phone number, blog/website) in your signature at the end. In a snail-mailed query, you format it like a business letter, with your name and address and phone number in the top right-hand corner, followed by the name and address of the recipient flush with the left-hand margin, followed by the date and then "Dear Mr/Mrs Editorname". The only thing at the end is your signature.

So, here, I'd move your name and address to the appropriate place.

Date:

Dear (publisher):

Little girls love their kitty cats. The little girl in my WHERE IS MY KITTY AT? is daydreaming about her kitty cat’s day —waiting for her owner, stalking in the yard, batting with her paws —while she is away at school. In the end the little girl realizes where her kitty cat truly is. You jump in right away with a reason that people will be drawn to your book, which is a super opening. Your summary of the book is good, but I think the last sentence could use a bit more punch. Is the cat somewhere surprising, like hiding in her backpack? If it is, then maybe you could tell us that the girl is surprised when she learns where her kitty truly is. Is it in the same place it always is? Maybe the girl is reassured when she figures this out. Give us a little more to make us want to get to the ending.

WHERE IS MY KITTY AT? is a three hundred and fifty word early picture book. Your word count is bang on, but I have some concerns about it being an early picture book. You've already told us that the MC goes to school, which is after the early picture book age (2-4 yrs). It might be a good idea to rethink your target age, or rethink the setting of your story to make it more relatable to children who would be reading this book. It is a child-centered story that is likely to engage the child as a judge from Rate My Story pointed out “I like the pattern you’ve set up. Kids will enjoy it and probably even chime in with the familiar parts of the lines.” It's great that you point out that this is a child-centered story, but I'd cut the rest of that sentence and replace it with 2 or 3 comparable titles whose fans will also like your book. It pays to be specific here. As far as the endorsement from the judge from Rate My Story goes, as great as it is to get feedback like that, (and it's AWESOME! Yay you!)  it's best kept to yourself. The editor will want to decide for him or herself what the strong points of your manuscript are, AND endorsements from unknown individuals are never as strong as those from people whom the editor knows and has respect for (well-known authors like Jane Yolen or other editors from that publishing house, for example). Stick to the facts - word count, target audience - and let the MS speak for itself.

I have a diploma in Professional Writing from Grant MacEwan University. I am a member of the Society of Children’s Book Writers & Illustrators and the Writers Guild of Alberta. This paragraph is perfect so far. Good credentials. If you would like to learn more about me please go to my website at www.renajtraxel.com. I'd cut this and simply include your web URL with your mailing address and telephone number. This is a multiple submission.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I can be contacted by emailing REDACTED or by calling xxx-xxx-xxx. More contact stuff that can go with your address and blog URL. I look forward to hearing from you. I have enclosed an SASE for your reply. PERFECT - so many people forget to mention the enclosed SASE, myself included sometimes, and it's much more professional to do so.

Sincerely,

And that's it for my thoughts. I know it looks like a lot of red, but that's just because I'm wordy and Rena did a great job of writing a very succinct query. I really just had three main points: check your formatting, make sure your target audience is the right target audience, and include some comparable titles to give the editor an idea of where your book will fit into the marketplace.

Rena has a very sweet-sounding story with some solid writing credentials, and I wish her all the best with her querying adventure!

If you want to have your query featured here on the blog, or if you're ready to start querying but don't know where to begin, then you might find my Picture Book Query Template helpful.

And now it's your turn. Maybe I missed something, or maybe your opinion of Rena's query differs from mine. Share your thoughts in the comments so Rena can make this query shine!

Monday Musings on Milking Your Ideas

So, I was at a museum today, and I suddenly got a GREAT idea for a Non-Fiction picture book. And then, I got an EVEN BETTER idea for a YA dystopian. And then, I got the best idea of all for a YA historical, and another idea for a Non-Fiction Middle-Grade kind of thing.

And I thought, can I do ALL OF THEM?


I've heard writers talk about using research from a picture book in a YA or MG about a similar topic. But this is the first time I've really felt for myself how I might be able to do it. And after all those big words about focus two short weeks ago, I'm sorely tempted to try writing all these things at once. I'm that excited about them.

How about you? Have you ever written books about the same topic for more than one age group? How did it go?

Friday Favorites: Because Nothing Says Movies like Coffee and Popcorn

I had the great pleasure of watching Hugo at a fantastic little repertory theatre on Bloor Street, in Toronto, ON. I don't often go to repertory theatres anymore - my own town doesn't have any - but I grew up near one, and it was where I first saw most of the movies of my childhood. Boy, do I miss them.

I miss the small-ness of them. I miss the surprise that is discovering a movie that isn't in the maistream cinemas anymore, but is still wonderful. I miss being able to wait in a lobby and have a conversation without needing to yell. The Kingsway Theatre has all of those things.

We walked into the small lobby and around a central bar area that I didn't really pay attention to. We walked past some velvet ropes that seemed to mark where we might wait, if there were a line. And at one counter along the back, we were invited to pay for both our tickets and our refreshments: popcorn, candy, soda, and, incongruously, coffee. "You get your coffee back there at the bar," the ticket guy said. I turned around to re-examine the central bar area, and sure enough, there were the tanks, filled with medium roast and dark roast, and accompanied by three cartons of milk product of varying degrees of fat content. A 21st-century twist on the movie-going experience. "Okay," I said to the guy, "I'll have a small popcorn and a coffee."

The velvet roped area turned out to be a sort of holding cell for patrons who had paid for their ticket to wait in while the theatre emptied out after the last show. As I stood there, holding my steaming coffee and letting the scent of movie-theatre popcorn wash over me, I knew what I would find inside: row upon row of velvet upholstered seats bolted to a very gently raked floor, a screen in the front of the room playing crackly shorts from the early days of film, and the quiet anticipation of eager children out for a special afternoon.

It had been a long time since I'd been to a repertory theatre, but I plan to go back. Because nothing says "movies" like coffee and popcorn.

What's your favorite repertory theatre experience?