Picture Book Query from Wendy Whittingham

Hi there, a little later than usual due to completely unforseen computer problems on my end holyslowharddrivewhatdidieverdotodeservethisireallyneedaMACtocallmyown.


*Ahem.*


Happy Wednesday!


And happy Query Critique Day! This week's query comes from the lovely Wendy Whittingham, who illustrates as well as writes. Wow, I wish I could to that. For those of you who are new, the deal is that I post her query, then follow that up with my notes in red, and you wonderful people all chip in in the comments section. So let's get to it! Here's her query:

Dear Ms. Editor:

We met at the conference in Niagara Falls in May 2011 and at that time you said you would be open to reviewing submissions from the conference attendees.

I recently completed a picture book currently titled HOW UDHAY THE MOUSE CAME TO KEEP A TIGER.  The story is a 693 word story based on a lonely mouse who offers shelter to various animal visitors, including a cat, fox and cobra during a rainstorm. 

Udhay Mouse believes he is content, but secretly wishes he had a friend who shares  his interests. Alone, Udhay waits out a storm by dancing around his wheelbarrow house with a broom. His life turns a corner when unexpected visitors start arriving. A cat shows up, then a fox, followed by a cobra. Udhay attempts to teach the visitors to dance as a distraction to spare his life. He realizes he must rid his home of them or he will be eaten. As soon as Udhay is safe once more, another, even more ominous visitor arrives. This time, will there be a happy outcome for Udhay?

A picture book with a fable-like theme, HOW UDHAY THE MOUSE CAME TO KEEP A TIGER , is a quirky fun story that will send your imagination soaring. 

Set in a fantasy world, animals get along in the spirit of Jan Brett’s The Mitten. The story is meant to entertain, but it also teaches that appearances can be deceiving.

In the fall of 2011, I illustrated a picture book, MISS WONDERGEM’S DREADFULLY DREADFUL PIE (Creative Publishing) and have had rave reviews.

 I look forward to hearing from you and can be found at the contact information listed below my signature.

Thank you so much for your time.

Regards,

I think Wendy does a really great job here with covering the bases: she's got info about the book, a comparable title (The Mitten), and her own previous publishing credits. However, it's on the long side, and it's more synopsis-y than a query should be. So here it is again, with my thoughts in red.

Dear Ms. Editor:

We met at the conference in Niagara Falls in May 2011 and at that time you said you would be open to reviewing submissions from the conference attendees. This is good.

I recently completed a My picture book currently titled HOW UDHAY THE MOUSE CAME TO KEEP A TIGER.  The story is a 693 word story based on about a lonely mouse who offers shelter to various animal visitors, including a cat, fox and cobra during a rainstorm. There are two things going on here and in the next paragraph: first, this paragraph is a little longer than it needs to be - it's not a matter of changing what you say as much as finding a more concise way to say it, and I hope my editing gives you an idea of what I'm talking about; second, it's a little dry, and I suspect that the voice here is quite different from that in your manuscript. Additionally, you actually tell too much, in my opinion. What you're going for is enticing jacket copy, but what you have is a point-by-point retelling of what happens in the story.

I'd cut the next paragraph completely, and find a way to incorporate the key details - "Udhay Mouse is happy on his own until a bunch of unexpected and dangerous animals show up looking for lunch," maybe - in a tone that matches your manuscript. My phrasing is obviously not great, because it doesn't hint at the voice in your work, but I'm hoping it gives you a sense of just how brief picture book queries need to be. 

Udhay Mouse believes he is content, but secretly wishes he had a friend who shares  his interests. Alone, Udhay waits out a storm by dancing around his wheelbarrow house with a broom. His life turns a corner when unexpected visitors start arriving. A cat shows up, then a fox, followed by a cobra. Udhay attempts to teach the visitors to dance as a distraction to spare his life. He realizes he must rid his home of them or he will be eaten. As soon as Udhay is safe once more, another, even more ominous visitor arrives. This time, will there be a happy outcome for Udhay?

There's a confusing contradiction here: Udhay is content, but has a secret wish for more friends? Is the wish a secret from himself? Does he only discover after the animals arrive that he wanted friends? I think most of this paragraph is unnecessary since it doesn't get at the core of your story, but this set-up is central, so it's important to have it clear in your mind and on the page. Also: try to avoid rhetorical questions. Most editors say that they don't like them.

A picture book with a fable-like theme, HOW UDHAY THE MOUSE CAME TO KEEP A TIGER , cut the comma is a quirky fun story that will send your imagination soaring. 

Set in a fantasy world, animals get along in the spirit of Jan Brett’s The Mitten. The story is meant to entertain, but it also teaches that appearances can be deceiving. Great comparison to The Mitten, but cut the last sentence. It makes your manuscript sound didactic, even if it isn't so.

In the fall of 2011, I illustrated a picture book, MISS WONDERGEM’S DREADFULLY DREADFUL PIE (Creative Publishing) and have had rave reviews. Yay for the rave reviews! But, I'd cut it, UNLESS the reviews were in a well-respected review journal like the Quill and Quire or Kirkus. In all other cases, the only thing that matters to this editor is her own opinion of your work in that book, and her opinion of this manuscript.

 I look forward to hearing from you and can be found at the contact information listed below my signature. If you are submitting this manuscript to anyone else, you should say so here. Otherwise, this is fine.

Thank you so much for your time.

Regards,

And that's a wrap. Now, it's your turn: what did you think of my feedback? It's fine to disagree; maybe you have a better idea of the central elements of Wendy's story? Share your thoughts in the comments. Let's help Wendy get this query from good to great!

Picture Book Query Workshop: Catherine Johnson's Critique

Hi there! It's Week One of my new Picture Book Query Critique Series on the blog, and boy, am I excited. I haven't been this excited about blogging since...since... Well, ever, actually. So, Welcome!

First, a VERY SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT. I am super excited to say that I have entered into a critiquing partnership with my friend, the super-blogger and critiquer of pure awesome, Matthew MacNish, who blogs over at the QQQE. What this means is that he will go on as he normally does, critiquing queries for novels over on his blog, but if he gets a picture book query, it will be featured here, with both of our feedback. Likewise, if I get a query for a novel, I'll send it on over to him and it will be featured over there, with both of our feedback. So make sure you're following him , and come one, come all! Send those queries in!

The inaugural query comes from the wonderful Catherine Johnson, a friend of mine in both the Interwebz and the Real World, who can always be counted on for encouragement and a cheerful smile. She's a regular blogger about kids, pets, books, and the writing life, and it was REALLY BRAVE of her to agree to be the first to face my RED PEN of DOOOOM put her query out there for public critique, so go follow her HERE.

Back? Good! Here's Catherine's query, with my redline to follow:

Dear (agent),

I would like to submit Big Al of the Everglades for your consideration. I have submitted to your agency before and I really like your write-up on Literary Rambles. You have an impressive client list full of my favorite authors such as XXXXXX.

A hungry alligator can catch nothing but a cold, scaring away his lunch with his sneezing. After many failed attempts to catch his lunch, he learns to use his sneezes to his advantage with the local fisherman and discovers something new for the lunchtime menu - fish!

I am a member of SCBWI, Canadian Chapter and I participate in an online critique group plus beta readers. My publishing credits include poems and flash fiction published by Pill Hill Press.

BIG AL OF THE EVERGLADES is a funny 134 word picture book for 3-8 year olds. This is a simultaneous submission and you can contact me at the email address below.

Thank you for your time. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,
Name, contact details, etc.


I honestly think there's a lot of good stuff in here. There's definitely some tweaking and polishing that can be done, but the basic elements are all here, which is a great start.


Dear (agent),

I would like to submit Big Al of the Everglades Remember ALL CAPS for manuscript titles. You did it at the end, but you need to do it every time you mention the title of your MS. for your consideration. I have submitted to your agency before Unless you got personal feedback, I don't think you necessarily need to mention this. In my experience, agents rarely remember the form rejections, unless you've got a really unusual name or your query was one of those awful ones that was written in crayon and came in an envelope full of glitter. and I really like your write-up on Literary Rambles. I actually heard one agent at a conference say that he'd rather people read his interviews and agency website than his write-up on Literary Rambles, but I LOVE Literary Rambles. There are a number of good links in those write-ups - maybe reference something the agent said in one of those linked interviews instead? You have an impressive client list full of my favorite authors such as XXXXXX. I like the sentiment here, but maybe rephrase it to exclude "impressive" - "I was delighted to find that authors x, y, and z, whose books I love, are all represented by you," or something.

A hungry alligator can catch nothing but a cold, scaring away his lunch with his sneezing. I LOVE this premise, and I love the phrasing of "can catch nothing but a cold" - but maybe you can rephrase "A hungry alligator" to reflect the tone of your story a bit more? You could even pull a phrase directly from your manuscript here: "Al the alligator was simply starving," or whatever it is. Just spice it up a little. After many failed attempts to catch his lunch, he learns to use his sneezes to his advantage with the local fisherman and discovers something new for the lunchtime menu - fish!


This last part was great, except that I'm confused about why fish would be a new thing, and I fear that you might be giving your ending away. Maybe cut the part about the local fisherman and cut "fish" - just tell us that he discovers something new for the lunchtime menu. Then whoever reads the query will want to read the pages to find out how he uses sneezes to his advantage, and what the something new will be.

I am a member of SCBWI, Canadian Chapter and I participate in an online critique group plus beta readers. My publishing credits include poems and flash fiction published by Pill Hill Press.


Perfect. Succinct, professional, straightforward.

BIG AL OF THE EVERGLADES is a funny 134-word picture book for 3-8 year olds. This is a simultaneous submission and you can contact me at the email address below.


134 words - WOW! I am seriously impressed. That's way under the 600-800 word limit people are talking about nowadays.

Thank you for your time. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,
Name, contact details, etc.


And that's the query! As I said, overall, I think Catherine has done a good job here. Just some tweaking, a bit of spicing up, and this query will have gone from good to GREAT.


But that's just my opinion, and I want to hear yours. After all, I'm only one person. Do you agree with my critique? Disagree? Have your own ideas about how Catherine can add some pizzazz to the meat of her query? Please feel free to share you thoughts in the comments. Just remember the rules: be honest, but be respectful.

Writerly Webinars, Classes, and Other Things You Should Know About

I don't know about you, but my head is swimming with webinar opportunities and writing classes and weekly chat opportunities and frankly, if it weren't for my handy planner, I'd be in a bit of a flustered tizzy. I thought we could use a little round-up, since there's so much going on.

First, for those living anywhere within reasonable distance of Toronto, there are several "continuing education" classes on writing for children being offered at the University of Toronto - woo-hoo!  That means anyone can sign up, guys!  There are three units, one of which is being taught by the Silver Birch Award-winning author of ZORGAMAZOO, Robert Paul Weston.  If this class is even a fraction as good as his book was, it will be a bargain.  You can read more and register for that here.  Hurry up, because it starts on September 20th.

Incidentally, the U of T has a whole bunch of classes on writing for kids, for which there are no pre-requisites, which means anyone who wants to write can register, and you can find those here.


Lots and lots of other universities offer classes in writing for kids all around the world, but I don't live anywhere near any of those and it would take me the whole term just to type them all in, so Google your nearest Uni and search their continuing education classes for whatever they're offering.

Also, Mary Kole, a literary agent with Andrea Brown (I'm sure most of you knew that, but seriously, if you haven't heard of her, check out her KidLit blog because it will blow your socks off!), is giving a webinar with Writer's Digest on Thursday, September 23rd.  Included in the price of the webinar is a guaranteed critique by Mary of the first 500 words of your novel or the first 300 words of your picture book.  Do you want to miss this?  No, you don't.  Read more and register here.

CALLING ALL PICTURE BOOK WRITERS: There's a weekly chat just for us over at Chatzy.com every Sunday evening (for those operating on Eastern Time)/Monday mornings (for those in Australia)/whatever time it is where you are in the world when it's Sunday evening on the East Coast.  For more info on that and for instructions on how to join in, go here.

That's about all I have space for, but I'm opening the floor to you guys.  I want to make sure everything gets in here, so I'm not posting again until Tuesday, and I hope that if you know of a class/workshop/webinar and you think it looks good, you'll let us all know about it (with web addresses so we can find out more, please) in the comments.  Have a great rest of the weekend!

A Few Last Things About Queries

I've had a few more thoughts in the last couple of days:

- Always thank them for their time.

- Always check spelling, grammar, and punctuation. This should look professional!

- The title of your manuscript should be in ALL CAPS.

- If you are sending pages with your query (or in the case of PBs, the full MS), ALWAYS mention that it is a simultaneous submission. (This is what you call it when you send the same stuff to more than one person at a time. This is the term you use: "simultaneous submission".)

That last one is important. No-one wants to pick something out of the slush, fall in love with it, and find out when they call the author that he or she signed a contract with someone else the week before. Tell them if other people are looking at your work, and if someone expresses interest, tell everyone else who has that manuscript that you have interest from someone (but don't tell them who) and give them a couple of weeks to decide whether they want to put an offer on the table, too.

Happy querying!

And thanks for stopping by.

Query Workshop Part II: Novels

Tonight's post is about querying the novel. This really applies to a range of books, from the chapter book to the novella to the full-fledged novel, but I'll just say "novel" for convenience.

The basic rules are the same as for picture book queries:

- Keep it short - a page or less.

- Keep it professional.

- Don't give away the ending of your book.

- Stay on topic.

The basic format is the same, with an extra paragraph for getting into the nitty-gritty of what your novel is about. Remember: we want the nitty-gritty.

When writing your query, the very first thing you should do is think about your main character, the main problem they face, and the obstacles in their way, and say that in one sentence. For example, the YA novel THE SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELLING PANTS can be summarized as:

"Four friends find a pair of jeans that fits them all and decide to share them throughout the summer, making the pants the glue that keeps them close even when they are far apart."

Then flesh it out a little, and then a little more, until you have two solid paragraphs that identify the main character (or characters), their primary goal, and whatever stands in the way.

You are not looking to explain any alternate worlds or universes here, and you are not introducing extra secondary characters here. Boil it down to the essence.

Here's the (purposefully awful) first draft of a query for my WIP, a YA paranormal romance tentatively entitled HUNTER:

Dear Mr. Agent,

High school Junior Kira Moretti has it all: a great boyfriend, good grades, parents who let her do what she wants, and now a major role in the school musical. But when she starts to fall for the boy cast as her boyfriend, and he starts to fall for her, things start to fall apart.

He is her Guardian Angel, sent down to protect her from the moment of her birth because she is destined to become the next Prophet. Since he's an angel and she's a human, they are forbidden to have a relationship, and boy is God mad! He sends the Archangels down to punish them, leading to an epic battle. And to top it off, demons are out to get her! Will Kira figure out how to date the real guy of her dreams and get away from the demons in order to fulfill her destiny?

HUNTER is a _____-word YA paranormal romance novel that is a perfect mash-up of Twilight and High School Musical. It will set hearts racing and have girls swooning, and is the first in a series of 5 books that I have written. You would be a fool to pass this up.

I can't wait to hear from you!

Sincerely,

I actually had fun writing that just now. *grin* And here's the redline:

Dear Mr. Agent, This is the only appropriate way to begin a query; don't call an agent by his or her first name.

High school Junior Kira Moretti has it all: overdone beginning a great boyfriend, good grades, parents who let her do what she wants, and now a major role in the school musical. But when she starts to fall for the boy cast as her boyfriend, Are we talking about in her life, or in the play? and he starts to fall for her, things start to fall apart. Lots of repetition of the word "fall" here... Could be good or bad.

He is her Guardian Angel, sent down to protect her from the moment of her birth because she is destined to become the next Prophet. Where did THAT come from? Since he's an angel and she's a human, they are forbidden to have a relationship, and boy is God mad! Too informal. He sends the Archangels down to punish them, leading to an epic battle. "an epic battle" is way too vague. And to top it off, demons are out to get her! HUH? Where did THEY come from? Will Kira figure out how to date the real guy of her dreams I thought her old boyfriend was the guy of her dreams? What happened to him? and get away from the demons in order to fulfill her destiny? Rhetorical questions are best avoided.

HUNTER is a _____-word YA paranormal romance novel that is a perfect mash-up of Twilight and High School Musical. Describing a novel as a perfect anything is bound to raise eyebrows, and not in a good way. It will set hearts racing and have girls swooning, This is presumptuous. and is the first in a series of 5 books that I have written. ALWAYS say that your novel can stand alone; publishers don't want to be tied to a deal for a series if the first book flops. You would be a fool to pass this up. Unprofessional, among other things.

I can't wait to hear from you! Instead of saying that, say that you look forward to hearing from them, and thank them for their time.

Sincerely,

And here's an improved (but by no means perfect - I'm still writing the book!) version:

Mr./Mrs. Agent,

16-year-old Kira Moretti thinks her Junior year is off to a flying start: not only has the most popular boy in her school asked her out, but she's also been cast to play her favorite character in the high school production of "Grease". But when she starts falling for Hunter Crowley, her pretend-boyfriend from the musical, he tells her something that brings her right back down to Earth: he's not human. He's her Guardian Angel, and although they have developed a burning passion for one another, a romantic relationship is forbidden.

This is a small worry compared to the reason Hunter was sent to protect Kira: she is destined to become the next Prophet, and Lucifer and his army of fallen souls have been plotting to destroy her since the moment of her birth. Kira and Hunter must fight for life and love in this _____________-word YA paranormal romance.

TWILIGHT meets "High School Musical" in HUNTER, a novel which will appeal to fans of THIS BOOK YOU REPRESENTED and THIS OTHER BOOK YOU REPRESENTED. Although it can stand alone, it has series potential.

Thank you for your consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

It's not perfect, but it's way better. It's more concise, more focused on the main characters, and more professional.

And it will probably morph into something completely different by the time I have finished my novel! But that's okay; writing it was fun, and helped me narrow in on the core of my book. I encourage anyone with a work-in-progress to go ahead and write the query for it now, so that whenever you find yourself wandering off-track in your manuscript, you can dig out your query and remind yourself what you're supposed to be writing about!

I hope this was helpful, and thanks for stopping by.

Picture Book Query Workshop

With WriteOnCon just two days away now, and with the end of summer (and therefore the end of many query blocks that agents have announced) approaching, I thought a couple posts on queries would be appropriate. Queries are the only thing I almost never get major feedback on, and I credit Query Shark, Nathan Bransford, SCBWI, and all the other resources I went to before I sent out my first query. My first drafts are never anything to write home about, but I use these resources to tighten and revise on my own before asking for critique or sending them out. So, while I'm not necessarily an expert, I think I can probably offer some helpful advice.

Since queries can be such tricky beasts, I decided on a workshop format: I'll post a "first draft" of a query, then show you a line edit so you can see how I would tighten and improve it. This way, you can see how I apply the general guidelines in practice, and (hopefully) then you can apply them to yours.

We'll do picture books today, because PB queries are a particular case, and novels tomorrow.

Okay? Okay.

SO! Here we go. There are some basic tenets for queries, and they apply especially when it comes to picture books. The biggest rule of thumb is, keep it short. I mean, REALLY short. I know we say one page for queries, but if you're querying a picture book, you should really be going for about half a page. If your query is longer than your manuscript (and your book has more than one or two words per page), you have a problem.

This sounds daunting, but it really isn't. The basic structure for your query letter should be:

Address (Dear Mr/Mrs Agent/Editor)

One to three sentences about the content of your book, which includes your hook, but which does not include how it ends. (They're called "spoilers" for a reason, guys.)

A couple of sentences about why you think your book is a good fit for their house/agency (including word count, target audience, etc.).

A sentence or two of relevant bio/recent and relevant publishing credits.

Thanks,
Signature

That's it! Any more, and you're over. The part about staying relevant in your bio is important; it's nice if you go to conferences on the topic of your book, but unless you were a speaker, they don't qualify you as an expert. It also doesn't matter if your grandson liked your book, unless your grandson runs a publishing house. A PhD in Entomology is great if you wrote a PB about bugs, but if you're writing about a kid who goes to the dentist, leave it out. If it doesn't have to do with writing or publishing and it isn't an actual qualification or degree that applies directly to your manuscript, it shouldn't be in your query. The editor will thank you.

I've heard a couple of people say that they never personalize their query with a section on why you think your manuscript is a good fit for a certain agent or editor. If that's the way you want to go, then so be it. But I put one in, because all the agents I've heard talk about it and seen blog about it say they prefer one. It shows them that you've done your research. (And you ARE doing your research, right? Right? Yes, because you know you should be.)

Okay! So with all of that said, here's a first draft-type version (I took my actual query and worked backwards to add mistakes that I see people make often) of a query for one of my books:


Mr. Agent Amazing who Holds My Dreams in Your Hands,

“Penelope was petite – in fact, she was the smallest person in her class – but her hair was HUGE.

This was a problem.”

Penelope is good at everything, but all anyone ever notices is her huge hair. Penelope tries everything from braids to special brushes to a haircut and everything in-between to make her hair less noticeable, but it just doesn't work. Then when she finds out that there will be a school spelling bee, she jumps at the chance to prove to everyone that her hair isn't the only thing remarkable about her, and after practicing and practicing and practicing, she wins! And no-one notices her hair anymore.

"Penelope’s Hairy Predicament” is a 600-word picture book for 6-8 year olds. It will appeal to readers of all shapes and sizes.

With its light-hearted treatment of a serious issue, this book would be a welcome addition to your collection of quirkier titles, such as THIS BOOK, by Author A and THIS OTHER BOOK, by Author B. I have enclosed my complete manuscript, along with an SASE for your convenience.

I am a member of SCBWI. My poem, “Desert Treasure”, has been published in the Jul/Aug 2010 issue of KNOW: the Science Magazine for Curious Kids. I also contributed to my College Newspaper at Simon's Rock College of Bard from 1994-1996. As someone who grew up with humongous hair, I really know what Penelope has gone through, and in fact this book is based on my experiences as a child. A writer, actor, and dancer, I live, write, and perform in This Town, ON, with my husband and two sons.

I just know you're going to love my book, and I can't wait to be your client!

Sincerely,

And here's my line edit:

Mr. Agent Amazing who Holds My Dreams in Your Hands, Don't ever say that; they don't need to feel the extra pressure, okay? Rejecting people's work is hard!

“Penelope was petite – in fact, she was the smallest person in her class – but her hair was HUGE. This was a problem.” Corrected weird formatting.

Penelope is good at everything, Avoid hyperbole. but all anyone ever notices is her huge hair. Penelope tries everything from braids to special brushes to a haircut and everything in-between to make her hair less noticeable, but it just doesn't work. Then when she finds out that there will be a school spelling bee, she jumps at the chance to prove to everyone that her hair isn't the only thing remarkable about her, and after practicing and practicing and practicing, she wins! And no-one notices her hair anymore. There are two things wrong with this paragraph: one, it's a summary, not a query, and it gives away the ending. Don't give away the ending! Two, it's way, way too long.

"Penelope’s Hairy Predicament” is a 600-word picture book for 6-8 year olds. It will appeal to readers of all shapes and sizes. This is kind of general. Shoot for specificity.

With its light-hearted treatment of a serious issue, this book would be a welcome addition to your collection of quirkier titles, such as THIS BOOK, by Author A and THIS OTHER BOOK, by Author B. I have enclosed my complete manuscript, along with an SASE for your convenience. This is actually fine. Books are examples from the agent or editor's own list. This part will change depending on whom you're querying.

I am a member of SCBWI. My poem, “Desert Treasure”, has been published in the Jul/Aug 2010 issue of KNOW: the Science Magazine for Curious Kids. This is a good credit: current, and also kidlit. I also contributed to my College Newspaper at Simon's Rock College of Bard from 1994-1996. However, the newspaper credit is WAY old, and not even in the right genre! Cut it. As someone who grew up with humongous hair, I really know what Penelope has gone through, and in fact this book is based on my experiences as a child. Sorry, but... This needs to go. It doesn't reflect the voice of the manuscript, and it's wordy. A writer, actor, and dancer, I live, write, and perform in This Town, ON, with my husband and two sons.

I just know you're going to love my book, and I can't wait to be your client! Don't say this; never presume that representation will be offered. Thank them for their time, and say that you look forward to hearing from them.

Sincerely,

And here's the final version:

Mr. Agent/Editor, Professional greeting - this is a business letter.

“Penelope was petite – in fact, she was the smallest person in her class – but her hair was HUGE. This was a problem.” This is the "hook". You don't have to quote from your manuscript, but in this instance, I thought it worked and I left it in.

Penelope is good at lots of things, like Hide-and-Seek and memorizing the dictionary. But all anyone ever notices is her huge hair. As Penelope tries unsuccessfully to make her hair less noticeable, she learns that sometimes building on your strengths is the best way to diminish your weaknesses. This gives some specific details and the theme, but does not give away the ending - to find out how she solves her problem, they'll have to read the manuscript. The second sentence is the essence of what this book is about - the theme, not the plot.

"Penelope’s Hairy Predicament” is a 600-word picture book for 6-8 year olds. It will appeal to any child who has ever felt uncomfortable with his appearance, stood out in a crowd, or believed there was more to herself than the way she looked. This still refers to most people, but it tells WHY those people might like this book.

With its light-hearted treatment of a serious issue, this book would be a welcome addition to your collection of quirkier titles, such as THIS BOOK, by Author A and THIS OTHER BOOK, by Author B. I have enclosed my complete manuscript, along with an SASE for your convenience. Most of the time, editors and agents specify that in the case of picture books, you should send the full manuscript with the query. Look in the Children's Writers' Market if you don't believe me.

I am a member of SCBWI. My poem, “Desert Treasure”, has been published in the Jul/Aug 2010 issue of KNOW: the Science Magazine for Curious Kids. A writer, actor, and dancer, I live, write, and perform in This Town, ON, with my husband and two sons. We are the biggest-haired family on our street. This last sentence adds a bit of flavor, and reflects the voice in the manuscript.

Thank you for your consideration; I look forward to hearing from you. Professional, polite closing.

Sincerely,

See the difference? Keep it tight; give specific examples, but don't reveal the ending; echo the voice in your manuscript; stay relevant; personalize it.

And once you figure it out, make that baby into a template so you never have to try to figure it out again.

I hope some of you found this, along with the above links, helpful. Enjoy your journey in queryland!

And thanks for stopping by.