Picture Book Query from Rena Traxel

Hey there, fellow picture book lovers! It's Wednesday, which means it's Query Critique Time. Dun, dun, DUUUUUNNNNN.

Just Kidding. I'll be nice, I swear. As should you be in the comments! Polite honesty is the order of the day.

This week's query comes from Rena Traxel, who has a great blog that you should all follow, so go and do that now.

And here's her query, with contact details redacted for the sake of privacy. My redline is next:

Rena J. Traxel

Address

Date:

Dear (publisher):

Little girls love their kitty cats. The little girl in my WHERE IS MY KITTY AT? is daydreaming about her kitty cat’s day —waiting for her owner, stalking in the yard, batting with her paws —while she is away at school. In the end the little girl realizes where her kitty cat truly is. 

WHERE IS MY KITTY AT? is a three hundred and fifty word early picture book. It is a child-centered story that is likely to engage the child as a judge from Rate My Story pointed out “I like the pattern you’ve set up. Kids will enjoy it and probably even chime in with the familiar parts of the lines.”

I have a diploma in Professional Writing from Grant MacEwan University. I am a member of the Society of Children’s Book Writers & Illustrators and the Writers Guild of Alberta. If you would like to learn more about me please go to my website at www.renajtraxel.com. This is a multiple submission.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I can be contacted by emailing REDACTED or by calling xxx-xxx-xxx. I look forward to hearing from you. I have enclosed an SASE for your reply.

Sincerely,

I think this is a fairly solid query - Rena doesn't over-explain or over-describe her plot, which is really important in a PB query. And the book sounds very sweet, which is bang on for an early picture book! Still, I did have a few comments, so let's get to it:

Rena J. Traxel

Address

This is a great time to get into the format of a query letter, which will differ depending on whether you are querying via email (which a lot of agents prefer nowadays) or the old-fashioned, much-slower way (which so many editors are still stuck on).

Nathan Bransford has an excellent post on this topic, but the rundown is that in an emailed query, you open with "Dear Mr/Mrs Agentname" and include your contact details (address, phone number, blog/website) in your signature at the end. In a snail-mailed query, you format it like a business letter, with your name and address and phone number in the top right-hand corner, followed by the name and address of the recipient flush with the left-hand margin, followed by the date and then "Dear Mr/Mrs Editorname". The only thing at the end is your signature.

So, here, I'd move your name and address to the appropriate place.

Date:

Dear (publisher):

Little girls love their kitty cats. The little girl in my WHERE IS MY KITTY AT? is daydreaming about her kitty cat’s day —waiting for her owner, stalking in the yard, batting with her paws —while she is away at school. In the end the little girl realizes where her kitty cat truly is. You jump in right away with a reason that people will be drawn to your book, which is a super opening. Your summary of the book is good, but I think the last sentence could use a bit more punch. Is the cat somewhere surprising, like hiding in her backpack? If it is, then maybe you could tell us that the girl is surprised when she learns where her kitty truly is. Is it in the same place it always is? Maybe the girl is reassured when she figures this out. Give us a little more to make us want to get to the ending.

WHERE IS MY KITTY AT? is a three hundred and fifty word early picture book. Your word count is bang on, but I have some concerns about it being an early picture book. You've already told us that the MC goes to school, which is after the early picture book age (2-4 yrs). It might be a good idea to rethink your target age, or rethink the setting of your story to make it more relatable to children who would be reading this book. It is a child-centered story that is likely to engage the child as a judge from Rate My Story pointed out “I like the pattern you’ve set up. Kids will enjoy it and probably even chime in with the familiar parts of the lines.” It's great that you point out that this is a child-centered story, but I'd cut the rest of that sentence and replace it with 2 or 3 comparable titles whose fans will also like your book. It pays to be specific here. As far as the endorsement from the judge from Rate My Story goes, as great as it is to get feedback like that, (and it's AWESOME! Yay you!)  it's best kept to yourself. The editor will want to decide for him or herself what the strong points of your manuscript are, AND endorsements from unknown individuals are never as strong as those from people whom the editor knows and has respect for (well-known authors like Jane Yolen or other editors from that publishing house, for example). Stick to the facts - word count, target audience - and let the MS speak for itself.

I have a diploma in Professional Writing from Grant MacEwan University. I am a member of the Society of Children’s Book Writers & Illustrators and the Writers Guild of Alberta. This paragraph is perfect so far. Good credentials. If you would like to learn more about me please go to my website at www.renajtraxel.com. I'd cut this and simply include your web URL with your mailing address and telephone number. This is a multiple submission.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I can be contacted by emailing REDACTED or by calling xxx-xxx-xxx. More contact stuff that can go with your address and blog URL. I look forward to hearing from you. I have enclosed an SASE for your reply. PERFECT - so many people forget to mention the enclosed SASE, myself included sometimes, and it's much more professional to do so.

Sincerely,

And that's it for my thoughts. I know it looks like a lot of red, but that's just because I'm wordy and Rena did a great job of writing a very succinct query. I really just had three main points: check your formatting, make sure your target audience is the right target audience, and include some comparable titles to give the editor an idea of where your book will fit into the marketplace.

Rena has a very sweet-sounding story with some solid writing credentials, and I wish her all the best with her querying adventure!

If you want to have your query featured here on the blog, or if you're ready to start querying but don't know where to begin, then you might find my Picture Book Query Template helpful.

And now it's your turn. Maybe I missed something, or maybe your opinion of Rena's query differs from mine. Share your thoughts in the comments so Rena can make this query shine!